Underwear Underwear Where Are You

So I haven't written anything for a while here. That tends to happen. I treat this blog just like I treat everything and everyone. That is to say I'll spend obsessive amounts of time with it, and then it won't see me for a long time. My friends know this is how I roll, and it's not necessarily my fault. It probably is. I feel bad for this.

So the other day I sat an exam. In the morning I woke up late, and spent most of the time I had before the test at home, studying frantically. I went into the bathroom soon before it was time to go to have a shower. When I got out of the shower, I realised something. Not only had I forgotten to bring a towel in, but I had as well as this ceased to remember the need for underwear. So I stared at my black business pants and oversized white shirt before grabbing a towel that was not mine and drying, before putting on the shirt, the pants, and no underwear. On the way out, I chucked a pair of underwear in my bag, assuring myself I'd have time to put them on before the exam. But I was very wrong.

By the time I made it to campus, I was late. So I bolted into the room, and sat the entire test without underwear. No one knew. Except the two people I told after the test. And some other people I've told since. And anyone who's reading this.

When Life Gives You Bogans

Shit. People are actually reading my blog posts these days. I'm scared. Scared they'll find out how shit I am at most things.

I can't write, I'm shit at maths, I can't cook scones, I can't hold down a relationship. No idea why I'd need to "hold down" a relationship. It's not some kind of bird that could just fly away at any moment (Dido). Perhaps it is. Perhaps my relationships are all one Phoenix, and they just need to keep getting reduced to ashes for no apparent reason.

No idea what I'm on about, as usual. I was in the library with Sepia today. She was looking for some Poe to steal when I came across travel guides for the Australian Outback. I just about fell of the edge of the earth when I saw them. Why the bloody heck would anyone want to visit the outback? It's just dirt. Lots & lots of red dirt. And bogans. So many bogans.

But Priscilla was set in the outback, and I like Priscilla. For those of you who haven't seen Priscilla, it's a movie. About a bus. And two drag queens. And Bernadette. I love Bernadette.

Basically, Bernadette's husband dies, and for some reason, they get a huge bus, call it Priscilla, and travel to the Outback. I don't really understand that part of the plot but it's a damn good movie. Watch it.

One of my favourite parts of the movie is when SPOILER ALERT Adam, the younger drag queen who is just the sex, gets into trouble with some bogans. Basically, Bernadette; who, by the way, is a transexual woman, comes to the rescue.

The head bogan exclaims "Come and fuck me Bernadette", while grabbing his crotch for some reason.

Bernadette gracefully makes her way towards him, before kneeing him in crotch several times and then flicking her hair out of her face. The wit-machine then utters the gorgeous words - "There, now you're fucked"

I adore this scene, because it sums Bernadette up so well. She's been though quite a bit - being a transexual back in the day - and consequently, she is an extremely strong individual who's quick thinking. But she's also decided, through all this adversity, to be a graceful, elegant woman, and fight opposition with good nature, or, when necessary, kneeing bogan's in the balls.

We can all learn a valuable lesson from our dear Bernadette. When life gives you bogans, knee them in the balls. Or, you know, remain positive & good-natured despite adversity.

The movie's fantastic, & you can see that scene here.

I'd better leave you again for a while. Take care.