La Vie Boheme

Okay so it's been quite a while since I last posted on here. Nine months. I could have had a baby. I didn't. I don't have a womb. Or a girlfriend. Not that I want either.

Anyway, hello! I'm back. An awful lot has happenned over the past nine months and I don't really know where to start. I suppose the beginning?

At some point in the year I had a boyfriend. That all started and ended pretty quickly, actually. I probably shouldn't talk about it too much. He seemed sweet. But alas, that chapter has closed.

In about May I started getting involved in the local theatre. After ushering for a few shows, I heard auditions were being held for another show, "All Shook Up". At the time I was as shy as anything and didn't want to even go to the audition, let alone be in a musical. I was almost certain I couldn't sing, couldn't dance, wasn't the world's greatest actor and certainly didn't want to sing, dance and act in front of anyone I didn't have to. But I went to the audition. I did it. I'm pretty sure I turned up an hour late, even though the audition was held walking distance from my house. I'm always late to things. The epitomy of this would have to have been the time I held a barbacue down at the local beach's foreshores, and turned up 40 minutes late. I was the host. It was my barbacue. Yet I turned up 40 minutes late.

Right, the audition. So I went there and sat there shaking until the Director asked me to sing something for her. The only song I'd prepared was an excerpt of "We three Kings of Orient Are". Everyone was really shocked at how deep my voice was and didn't seem to mind that I'd sung a Christmas Carol in the middle of may.

I got into the show somehow as a member of the ensemble. I kept telling myself that I would have to let them all know that I had to leave the show as the pressure of the HSC was too strong. But I never got around to it, and along came opening night. I was running so high on adrenaline I didn't even have the chance to feel nervous or scared. Between when I auditioned for the show and the show's afterparty, I came to several epiphanies.

Anyone who knows me would be very, very sick of hearing about my "existential crises" or "sudden epiphanies". But I'm going to assume you, whoever you are, have perchanced to visit this blog for reasons dark and unknown, and as such don't mind me blabbing on.

Rehearsals started in May after the cast had been put together. I was shy and terrified of everyone and everything. My hair was auburn, and I had a boyfriend. By the time the show ended, all of that was gone. On opening night, we were all slapping each other's arses and undressing in front of each other backstage. And my hair, well, I'd dyed it black because I was sick of having to keep up the dying process. And the boyfriend, well, he was gone. It was good, in retrospect, that we parted ways. Even though I didn't really like him, I'd forced myself to believe that I did. And somehow it still hurt when it all ended. I guess being rejected isn't nice, regardless of who did the rejecting.

He might have rejected me, and other friends might have walked out or faded away from my life, but in the theatre I found sanctuary. I became eerily close to my theatre family over those few months. At one point I performed a less than sober striptease to some of the girls in the cast to Cher's "Welcome to Burlesque".

Anyway, the theatre became my home. I spent more time with the cast and crew than I did with my own friends and family, which felt like a bad thing. But then I came to the realisation that the theatre is what I love. I love performance. I love it.

It's been very difficult for me not to drop out of year twelve to become a full time vagabond. When I found out that auditions for "RENT" the musical are taking place somewhere in Sydney in October I sent off a flurry of excited emails. But then reality struck, and I realised I wouldn't be able to afford constant trips to and from Sydney, and shouldn't be traversing acrossing the country between HSC exams. And I decided I should stay here in my hometown for the rest of the year as it is my last year living here, and some people I might not see again.

Fuck, I'm going to miss everyone and everything about this town. Well, that's a lie. We have our fair share of bogans here, and much less than our fair share of excitement. But I have met the most beautiful people living here, and made connections I don't want to lose. People here have touched me on a deep level and I'm actually terrified and distraught at the thought of losing this connection. Although we all vow to stay in touch, I know that in reality only a few of us will, and the rest are doomed to drift off into the "I used to know" category.

I am truly going to miss this place. This beautiful town full of gorgeous people. It was where I grew up. It was where I first found myself. I learnt to walk, talk, sing, dance, drive and thrive here. I learnt how to be a person, how to be a friend, how to be a lover and how to embrace everything life offers with both arms. It was here that I had my first kiss, my first love. It was in this town that I discovered who I am. I discovered that I might be anybody, or somebody, and that I wasn't just nobody. I learnt to persevere, to try my hardest and to never give up. I learnt when to stop, when to let go, and when to walk away. And I know that moving to Sydney next year is something I just have to do. But I will forever hold this town and it's people close to my heart.

When Life Gives You Bogans

Shit. People are actually reading my blog posts these days. I'm scared. Scared they'll find out how shit I am at most things.

I can't write, I'm shit at maths, I can't cook scones, I can't hold down a relationship. No idea why I'd need to "hold down" a relationship. It's not some kind of bird that could just fly away at any moment (Dido). Perhaps it is. Perhaps my relationships are all one Phoenix, and they just need to keep getting reduced to ashes for no apparent reason.

No idea what I'm on about, as usual. I was in the library with Sepia today. She was looking for some Poe to steal when I came across travel guides for the Australian Outback. I just about fell of the edge of the earth when I saw them. Why the bloody heck would anyone want to visit the outback? It's just dirt. Lots & lots of red dirt. And bogans. So many bogans.

But Priscilla was set in the outback, and I like Priscilla. For those of you who haven't seen Priscilla, it's a movie. About a bus. And two drag queens. And Bernadette. I love Bernadette.

Basically, Bernadette's husband dies, and for some reason, they get a huge bus, call it Priscilla, and travel to the Outback. I don't really understand that part of the plot but it's a damn good movie. Watch it.

One of my favourite parts of the movie is when SPOILER ALERT Adam, the younger drag queen who is just the sex, gets into trouble with some bogans. Basically, Bernadette; who, by the way, is a transexual woman, comes to the rescue.

The head bogan exclaims "Come and fuck me Bernadette", while grabbing his crotch for some reason.

Bernadette gracefully makes her way towards him, before kneeing him in crotch several times and then flicking her hair out of her face. The wit-machine then utters the gorgeous words - "There, now you're fucked"

I adore this scene, because it sums Bernadette up so well. She's been though quite a bit - being a transexual back in the day - and consequently, she is an extremely strong individual who's quick thinking. But she's also decided, through all this adversity, to be a graceful, elegant woman, and fight opposition with good nature, or, when necessary, kneeing bogan's in the balls.

We can all learn a valuable lesson from our dear Bernadette. When life gives you bogans, knee them in the balls. Or, you know, remain positive & good-natured despite adversity.

The movie's fantastic, & you can see that scene here.

I'd better leave you again for a while. Take care.